50 Funniest & Weirdest Twitter Tweets!

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face“. ~Victor Hugo

It’s time for some fun brought to you by Thoughtpick! Therefore, I have prepared for you a list of 50 of my favorite recent, funniest and weirdest Twitter tweets! Enjoy!

P.S: Apologies for any use of foul language but we made it a point to bring you the tweet uncut and uncensored!

  1. @comedyclipsblog I’ve just seen a group on facebook called I Hate Feet. Obviously these people are fans of the metric system #joke
  2. @ILuvPatrickStar I remember once I said sumthing I thought was a joke it wasn’t I got in trouble haha
  3. @ericlemke Starring your own tweet is like the internet version of laughing at your own joke.
  4. @beiruta #joke: Q. What is the difference between light and hard? A. You can sleep with a light on. LOL
  5. @ItzLikeImUnReal @sweetheart0315 weird is not always bad lol
  6. @MrsMartan There are times when that I wish I could turn back time.., and stay as quiet as a mouse then opening my big mouth…
    Funny Cat Laughing!

    Funny Cat Laughing!

  7. @callmeteliz so… I find the word “attractive” really attractive. No joke
  8. @marcymac Iphone seems to amplify train noises. My friends ask me if I live in Hooterville. (I always say yes) LOL
  9. @Carlie_pie lets try this again lol “his eye is on the sparrow and i know he watches me”
  10. @nmcollins i don’t like bathroom humor, but the word ‘poop’ is just funny.
  11. @tammychua Funny how playing ‘scissors-paper-stone’ can make me laugh like mad.
  12. @louhaffner @tinarosegriffin TINA. PACK IT IN! Just because he didnt find your comments about his chest hair funny, lol. & I know you do! ha.
  13. @Boomquiesha_J Almost said a highly inappropriate “your mom” joke involving chronological inconsistencies. I really should just go to bed.
  14. @lee_diva87 RT @nappypoet: “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” -Oscar Wilde
  15. @kasssey my mom just made a ‘i know you’re high joke!’ not funny.. awkward:)
  16. @kristindior87 If it is a inside joke between you and someone else then they may be the only person to appreciate the damn chicken.
  17. @Bernd_Fischer “Do alligators make pig noises?” LMFAO @KhloeKardashian
  18. @eeepchristinaa i feel like such a cow right now
  19. @Rev_Penneth The viewings get weirder! This afternoon’s one is getting divorced because her husband “is not as perfect as Edward Cullen”
  20. @angelsherwin Sheesh! Everything is always my fault? U guys sound like my wife! @elestilo @ultrabhb @chsaeba @deliciatan
  21. @bishray RT @dobror: Man asks to go to jail instead of staying in house arrest with nagging wife: http://bit.ly/4cfdg
  22. @kshameer LOL++ RT @sumeetpareek Ultimate Geek Joke : A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, Can I join you?
  23. @chrispullman oops…. A Nun, a Priest, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. the bartender says “what is this, a joke???” hahahahaha
  24. @ElectricTwistxx LOL chemistry_prof is following me on twitter. Is this some kind of joke? -.-
  25. @shaybbaby26 Did law and order just make a twitter joke? Lmao.
  26. @dentednj RT @Copyjoker Everyone I know on facebook is saying put the clocks back tonight.. I never stole any fu**ing clocks #joke #small
  27. @elieaa I no joke hate those stupid Farmville app on facebook. I don’t care if you found a fu**ing lost cow or you grew the largers
  28. @MiK3Meadors I just saw Jay Leno do a joke that his writers obviously stole from a comment on digg about balloon boy falling in a well.
  29. @arashigoldenboy “He and I have become frequent penpals since he accidentally added me on myspace.” hahaha joke
  30. @vinferrer Bad joke un pare! My friends are jerks. That makes me one too? :|
  31. @gen_kenig A joke is a very serious thing ~ Winston Churchill
  32. @ellowheezexx @hanhollz im not even kidding when i say i cannot keep my eyes open. and DONT YOU DARE MAKE AN ASIAN JOKE
  33. @mynurealtor Does anyone else have a cat that literally gets mad and sulks when it rains?
  34. @askanditsgiven Montana: At least our cows are sane!
  35. @DiVaDeONNA RT @Mrtyreel07: @DiVaDeONNA get a cat <= ewww yuck I don’t want cat hair on my Bananna Republic slacks
    Laughter is the best medicine!

    Laughter is the best medicine!

  36. @refractings Although I did meet a strange cat several months ago… It had a face that was …not feline. And it introduced itself as Ryuk.
  37. @larryluv49 on the phone with mom, listening to how she declared war against the cat
  38. @imnother i love my cat‘s sticky breath
  39. @REVELATOR13 #joke Bloody hell, my wife’s having a bad day…she has her tampon behind her ear, and she can’t find her cigarette
  40. @scottbelsky “2 antennas got married. The wedding was OK but the reception was great.” Does a better wordplay joke exist?
  41. @REVELATOR13 #joke 2 bulls standing in a field. One says “Boy it’s mighty cold out here!”, the other says “Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey”
  42. @holister389 aight my twit family… time to do sum googlen on my own..str8t to bed..lol ……layn it dwn foo!!!!!!
  43. @prettygirl_star Hey yoself cutie…. Imma follow you like yo lil brother around the neighborhood…lol
  44. @IamNeverBroke She’s a Cougar!!!! She’s a Cougar!! Lol I’m buggin
  45. @beautyheaven I still wear pigtails and get comments that I look cute… It’s about as creative as I go with hair lol!!
  46. @frankyy12 @HIdashRES shut up! im out of trees so no excuses lol
  47. @ashgarth they would stop in the scariest parking lot. jumping cars. fun.
  48. @Mrwarbucks You need to take those fun bags of urs and go lie on ur back n sleep get ur mind of of the gutter lol gutterz
  49. @allieisbored #whenwewereyoung Mickey Mouse was THE sh!t. Don’t deny it.
  50. @comedyclipsblog: What came first, internet porn or ‘clear all search history?’ #joke

Do you know of any other really funny or weird tweets that are funny, weird or simply whack? Please do share and spread the laughter! :)

Comments and Reactions

  • Very funny post, Beirut :D.. The metric system one is hilarious.

  • I just love this one: # @refractings Although I did meet a strange cat several months ago… It had a face that was …not feline. And it introduced itself as Ryuk. LOL

  • I know you'd like this one :)

  • gagrin

    I love this – # 20….@angelsherwin Sheesh! Everything is always my fault? U guys sound like my wife!…:))

  • Ultimate Geek Joke lol #22

  • Guest

    Thanks man, just what I was looking for. Thanks so much…

  • Mark S. is definitely on the right track. If you want to get a professional looking email address, Id recommend buying your name domain name, like or
    ajf 6
    If its common it might be difficult to get, however, be creative and you can usually find something.

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